I got my first mean comment on an Instagram post the other day. It was a man who runs a business, who commented on my weight.
It stung, for a few minutes. But then I realized, if a person wants to comment something rude on a post that is meant to uplift & encourage, that says so much about THEM. Not me, but them. So I decided to not give that man another ounce of thought or energy.
I started this blog to share my experiences, hopefully help others, & provide some sort of light to people. I’m proud of the community I’ve built; we build each other up & inspire, not tear each other down. I’m so thankful for that. I’m sure as my Instagram community grows, I might get some more mean comments; I choose to focus on the people who are supportive instead. I debated even writing about this, but writing has quickly become a coping mechanism for me. I also want to be as transparent as possible in my journey. I’ve made progress in my body confidence, but negative comments never feel great. I know that so many struggle with comments regarding your appearance; whether that comes from a family member at Thanksgiving or a stranger online. You’re not alone!
If someone makes a mean or rude comment, that’s a reflection of them & has nothing at all to do with you. Remember that!
Disclaimer: If you are having suicidal thoughts or are struggling with your mental health, please get help. I’m linking a helpful resource here.
Suicide awareness & prevention is something really close to my heart. When someone dies by suicide, (I learned recently that instead of saying someone “committed suicide”, it’s better to say they “died by suicide”, as the word committing has negative connotations & puts blame on victims. Just something interesting I’ve learned that I wanted to include; I think it’s important to use the proper language!), the result is heart-wrenching.
If you’ve experienced loss due to suicide, I’m so sorry. This is a club that no one wants to be a part of, I know. My experience with losing a loved one to suicide still affects me every day; the experience also really confirmed my dream to be a therapist. I hope to spend my life helping people feel less alone in their mental health journeys.
I’m not a licensed therapist (yet!) so I’ll refrain from giving advice. I just want you to know that if you’re struggling, you do not have to face this alone. If you want to support a loved one who is struggling, there is help for you too. Reach out to someone; it might feel scary at first but that support could make a world of a difference.
This week was hard. On top of going back to school & navigating the craziness that is COVID times, it was also the anniversary of my friend Bekah’s death. I felt my mental health suffering throughout the week; I try to be mindful of when I’m struggling but a sure sign that I am is when my apartment & my car get extra messy. When my anxiety is high or I’m feeling down, chores & cleaning are the last thing I feel like doing. I’m taking this weekend to recharge & take care of myself (also cleaning because it’s pretty bad!)
I had planned on writing about my favorite outfits or an easy makeup look, but found myself feeling unmotivated to film that right now. Those posts are usually fun for me, but I want to again be mindful of my mental health & be transparent about where I’m at right now. I think that vulnerability is so so important, especially right now. I know that there are many others who are struggling; life can feel difficult & heavy some days (or months or years? I’m ready for 2020 to be over with!) Please take care of yourself.
Here are some things that I am so thankful for; things that I clung onto for dear life this week as I navigated an especially difficult week!
My relationship! I’m not sure how I got so lucky to fall in love with a guy as kind-hearted, loving, & supportive as John, but I’m so happy I did! He always, always knows how to lift me up.
Our little family. No matter how hard my day was, or how down I’m feeling, I get to come home to the cutest little family. It’s impossible to feel sad when Theo is suffocating you with his kisses, & Phoebe is snuggled up purring next to you. How did I get so lucky??
My parents! I talk to my parents every single day. We always recap our day & compare funny puppy stories; always a highlight of my day.
My sister. I’ve said it before but my sister is my absolute best friend! This is the longest we’ve ever been apart (due to COVID we haven’t been together since Christmas) but we talk every day & doing our podcast together brings me a lot of joy. This time apart has made me appreciate our bond even more!
My friends! I have the strongest, best friendships with girls who love & support me through anything. Especially during COVID we check on each other & text, especially when we are struggling.
Comfy dresses like this one! It even has pockets. So cute, I’m ordering other colors ASAP!
There are plenty of other things I feel thankful for right now, but these things in particular just make me smile so much. No matter how difficult things feel or how bad my day was, these are things that aren’t going away! I hope you find strength in focusing on your gratitude for the little things.
Like so many others, I’ve experienced a wide range of emotions over the last several months. In May, we had to put our dog Luke to sleep really suddenly; it was heartbreaking & left us feeling completely devastated. Even thinking about him now brings me to tears; he was the best, sweetest dog & I miss him SO much. Not long after that, our new pup Theo came into our lives. That grief was still there, but Theo brought so much joy as well. This little puppy came into our lives at the perfect time, bringing so much light into a time of darkness.
Something I’ve learned during all of this is that grief, joy, stress, hope, sadness, happiness. These feelings all can and probably SHOULD coexist. That’s what I lean on the most when I’m having a bad day or having trouble coping with everything going on; my feelings are all valid and can coexist. That also means that if things are feeling particularly heavy, I know that at some point there will be light again, whether that’s a FaceTime with a friend or puppy kisses or dinner on the patio with John.
Practicing gratitude is something I can’t recommend enough, and I think it’s what gets me through the hard parts. Whether I’m having a bad mental health day where my anxiety is acting up or I’m grieving or just down for whatever reason, when I think of even little things I’m thankful for, it helps.
Allow yourself to feel however you’re feeling. Even emotions that don’t feel as though they can go together can coexist.
These days, we’re all bound to have a day when the world feels a bit heavy. Whether you’re feeling angry with our political climate, anxious over COVID, or just down because you’re lacking a sense of normalcy, your feelings are valid. Our world probably isn’t going back to “normal” anytime soon. Being an empath, I often find myself feeling overwhelmed by the negative emotions of others. I think there is a line between providing emotional support for others, & taking their emotions on yourself. That’s a line that I’m still working on finding. I always say that we can’t control others but we can control our own reactions. Here’s a list of a few of my go-to things to do, when the weight of the world is a little too heavy.
Call or text one of my friends, my mom, or my sister.
Go for a walk. (John compares me to a houseplant because I NEED sunshine haha)
Take a long, luxurious-feeling shower.
Put on a favorite song & dance around.
Snuggle with my pets.
Do something that makes me feel strong & empowered, like a dance workout.
Support an organization or cause that I feel passionate about.
These are all really simple things; nothing ground breaking. But I think the most helpful thing to do when you’re feeling discouraged or out of control of things, is to focus on the things you CAN control.
If you’re feeling down today, I hope that you find things you’re able to control to bring a little light back into your day.
Summer maybe looked different this year but one thing that stays the same, regardless of circumstance, time of year, or weather is how important it is to protect our skin! Wearing sunscreen is something I haven’t always been the most consistent with; I would lather up before a beach or pool day but the idea of putting it on every single day seemed so tedious to me.
I recently turned 25, & while I’m not really seeing signs of aging in my skin, I want to start preventing those things NOW. I want to protect my complexion against harmful UV rays so that issues with my skin down the road can hopefully be prevented.
I recently started using Supergoop! & I am SO impressed with their Glow Screen. This post isn’t sponsored or anything, I truly just felt like I needed to shout my praise for this product off of rooftops! It’s SPF 40, & works well as a hydrating primer before makeup. THE. GLOW. You guys, even without any makeup this product makes my skin look like an Instagram filter; it’s the perfect amount of glow for summertime (& let’s be real, all year long)!
I’m holding my very first giveaway on my Instagram page, @daniellecdelgado. I love the Glow Screen so much, I want to gift one of my amazing followers with their own to try out & hopefully love just as much. It’s not sponsored, I just want to say thank you for following me. Check out my Instagram for more details!
I’ve spent my whole life with the goal to try to lose weight. I would research the latest diets, fitness teas, tips & tricks because I wanted results FAST. It didn’t really matter to me if I did it in a healthy way, honestly.
My new health journey is VERY recent. Like literally only about two weeks old. I’m not doing anything drastic or restrictive, & honestly I find weight loss goals to be pretty triggering, so I’m not doing that either. I’m simply eating healthier (more vegetables, home-cooked meals, minimizing junk food), drinking more water, & moving my body. No rules, no fads, no counting, just doing what feels good. & THAT feels good!
I’ve done a lot of self reflection in the past year; just trying to separate myself from that unhealthy dieting culture, restrictive eating, etc. The goal was always weight loss: how much weight could I lose? How quickly could I go down sizes? I realized recently that I used to believe that weighing less would cause myself to love myself more; that somehow weighing less would add to my value as a person. That’s incredibly inaccurate. I know that now, & hope you do, too.
For the first time in my life, the goal is not to lose weight but instead to just be healthier. If weight loss comes with that, then I’ll love my body as it changes that way too. But I’m trying my best to not let that be the focus of why I’m doing this. I just want to be healthier & feel good.
I’ll keep you updated on this little health journey of mine! Don’t let diet culture & comparison rule your life; change your mindset into a healthier one first. It’s hard, but worth it.
Disclaimer: I write about my struggles with loving my body in this post. If disordered eating, weight loss, or anything like that is triggering to you, skip this post. It’s never my intention to cause harm or re-traumatize. This is just my personal experience.
I like to start & end my posts on a lighter note, so here’s a dress I’ve been getting a lot of questions about! I have my first-ever affiliate link HERE. If you purchase using this link I’ll earn a small amount of commission at no extra cost to you. I’m obsessed with the tie-sleeve detail & the smocking makes it so that you don’t have to wear a bra if you don’t want to! I’m wearing an XL, which I feel like honestly could work if you’re bigger or smaller than me because of the smocked top. There are only a few sizes left on Prime in this color, but there’s also a pretty yellow!
A stranger asked me if I was pregnant, again. It’s happened a few times now & it sucks. It hurts. It’s hard. It’s hard to try to have confidence in my body when it happens. I’m not proud of my initial reactions but I wanted to list them here:
I shouldn’t eat dinner tonight.
I need to do 100 crunches when I get home.
My stomach has gotten so big, I’m disgusting.
I shouldn’t be wearing this tight tank top.
I need to lose 50 lbs, ASAP.
I’m human. I’m not going to have wonderful, confident days every single day of my life. I’m also not going to be able to let every comment roll right off my back. Here is what I would have said if a friend said any of those things on that list to me, & what I would want to replace those initial thoughts with:
You’re a beautiful person with a caring heart.
Your body lets you run around with your cute puppy.
Work out if it makes you feel good, but don’t use it to punish your body.
Even just writing this, I’m starting to feel uplifted & appreciative of my body. (I’ll be completely honest: we just got back from the tennis court where a woman asked me that question. My immediate response was to curl up in bed, cry, & snuggle with Phoebe. Not great, but working on it!) It’s just another example of how body confidence is an every day journey. One minute you’re soaking in the sun, playing fetch with your pup. The next minute, you’re considering skipping meals & holed up in your dark bedroom. People can be the worst sometimes. I know that far too many women experience this though; from reading stories online & also having friends reach out to me with their own stories of this. It doesn’t seem to matter what body type you have: people somehow justify asking invasive questions about your body regardless. If you’ve considered asking someone if they’re expecting, please stop & think of the ways that could be harmful; maybe they’re having infertility issues, are going through a big life change, or maybe they’re trying to love themselves better. No matter what, they don’t owe anyone an explanation.
I don’t have some sort of cure-all answer to make myself feel better, or to help if this has happened to you. I think all we can do is practice using our coping skills (or developing healthier ones!) & leaning on our support systems.
We’re all on this journey to love ourselves the best we can. We only get one of these bodies, after all. Thanks for reading lengthy post (& letting me vent! Definitely needed this). Apparently I had a lot of thoughts that needed to get out, haha. Oh & make sure you tag me in pictures of you if you buy this dress! I hope you love it as much as I do.
Something I’ve been trying out lately is embracing my natural hair texture. I have naturally really thick, what I thought was wavy hair (it might be curly? TBD.) with a TON of frizz. My mom used to spend so much time wrangling my hair into tight braids & cute updos, but by the time it was up to me to style it, I felt frustrated. I felt envious of the girls’ whose houses I would sleep over; they’d wash their hair & it would air dry silky & smooth. I could only get my hair to look like that after hours of heat styling!
But that’s the type of hair I thought was “pretty”. So I heat styled my hair for years & years, trying to wrestle my frizz into submission.
I never felt put together or pretty or confident with my natural hair, until John & I went on a cruise right after Christmas. I brought my straightener, but didn’t use it once. The ocean water brought out my natural waves, & I threw some oil in it to help control the frizz. I felt sun-kissed, confident & beautiful; I couldn’t be bothered locking myself in the bathroom to style my hair for hours. I’d rather lay in the sun with a margarita in my hand!
Since then, I’ve been trying to embrace my natural hair more. Quarantine has been a good time to try out new products & see what works for me & what doesn’t. I’m seeing my waves/curls become more & more defined! I’m living for my natural volume that I once hated, & I’m excited to see where this little hair journey of mine takes me!
Something that I wanted in my curly hair routine was simplicity; I don’t want to sit & finger curl each strand of hair or apply ten products. I watched videos & got product recommendations from friends, tried those out, & narrowed it down to what seems to work for me. I have a feeling this routine will change a bunch, but this is what I’m doing currently!
1. I wash my hair; I LOVE trying out shampoos & conditioners, but here is what I’m using currently. This shampoo bar from Target soothes my dry scalp; I alternate that with this shampoo & use this conditioner. Let me know if you have any shampoo/conditioner recommendations you love! (I’ve heard that sulfate & silicone free is best for curls?)
3. I “plop” my hair using a T-shirt, & keep it up in this for 10-30 minutes while I do my makeup.
4. After makeup, I use my diffuser to dry my hair. I do this really sloppily & without much technique or patience.
5. Once my hair is dry (or mostly dry), I put a hair oil throughout my hair, like this one!
Most of these products are super affordable & better yet, effective! I’ll keep you updated if I find any more that I like!
Edit: to refresh my curls, I’ve been wearing my hair in a loose ponytail at night & then spraying it with a misting spray bottle in the morning. After that, I spray this leave-in conditioner & scrunch my hair a bit.
P.S. I wanted to give an old coworker of mine, Josie, a shout out for a bunch of these product recommendations! I’ll link her hair routine video here; she’s STUNNING, so sweet, & really knows her stuff with how to make curls look good!
Summer might look a little different this year but I think a lot of people might agree that it’s usually the time when most of our insecurities really come out. I know in my case, I’ve let my struggles with body image really hinder my summer fun in the past. I remember beach days in high school when I’d cry & pinch my stomach fat. There were trips & events (even recently!) that I’d be so excited for, only to break down in tears the night before while packing because I felt terrible in all of my clothes. It’s something I’ve worked on; I’ve been open about how I still struggle with my confidence at times (that terrible voice in my head can get louder when I’m in a swim suit especially!) but I’d like to think that I’m the most confident I’ve ever been (most days, at least). Here are a few things I like to do to give myself my best chance at feeling confident, especially during summer activities!
1. I’m a firm believer that confidence comes from within, but if I’m hanging out by the pool or going to the beach, I want to wear a bathing suit that highlights my favorite parts of my body & makes me feel good. This black ruffled suit by Summersalt is so cute but also still fun with the lower cut & cheeky booty. Love it!
2. Before going out, & this seems pretty corny so stay with me here, I like to find some things in the mirror that I like about my body. The more time you spend complimenting yourself & focusing on even one good thing that you like, the more likely you are to actually start to believe it.
3. I spend time with people who make me feel valued! If you’re with friends & family who lift you up, there isn’t as much time for you to focus on your flaws. Try to see yourself from their perspective; I doubt they’re worried about how your stomach looks in your bikini, & if they are, they’re not the people you should be spending your time with. Try to relax & enjoy yourself.
That voice in your head, pointing out your “flaws”? Tell it to go take a hike. You’re beautiful, worthy, & deserving of having fun. If you’re interested in more self-love & body confidence content, check out the podcast I’m co-hosting with my sister! Our second episode is out & we talk about size inclusivity. I’ll link it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/can-you-talk/id1515342984?i=1000478947623
Cheers! (I’m drinking a piña colada while writing this, I hope you have one too!)